Identity: Introductions
Surely you’re doing yourself a disservice by trying to cram the entire universe of you into a few measly sentences...
Pretend we haven’t met before. Pretend you’re in a nondescript room. Chairs drawn up in a circle; people you don’t know sitting down in each. Someone teacher-esque clears their throat. I imagine they’re wearing glasses. I imagine they look very kind. Now imagine they look around the circle and suggest we do a quick round of introductions. Eenie-meenie-mynie-mo.
They stop at you.
Go.
What is it you’ll say?
How do you see yourself? How do you want other people to see you? The things you’re likely to lead with — are they really at all representative of you?
Let’s see.
To begin with, you’ll tell us what you do for a living. You might tell us where you’re from. And you’ll likely throw in something about a hobby or two. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a side gig to mention. That should make you significantly more interesting than most of the room.
I’m going to try that on for size.
Hi! I’m Kitu. I’m a UI & UX Designer from Mumbai, India. Outside of work, I read, write, run, and make some art and music. I have a comic book side project that I’m always procrastinating on.
I hate it.
Why do we let work define us?
Yes, it is what I put most of my waking hours into. Even so. Is my work self my most authentic self? Is it what I think I am, at my core? Does “UI & UX Designer” capture my essence? It does not. I desperately hope it does not. It seems to be the entirety of what I do most days, but surely there must be more.
Why insist on being interesting?
Look at me, I’m a creative person! Yes, UI/UX is pretty much the algebra of the creative fields. But look — I make actual art too! Music also!
Dabble in it a bit at least.
Kinda.
Used to.
That one time last week…
At what point do past actions cease to define current identity?
Question: If you haven’t created anything concrete in a while, are you still a card-carrying member of the Creative Humans Club?
Does the card come stamped with an expiry date? At what point do past actions cease to define who I am today? Just because I can or did make art or music, doesn’t mean I do.
I drew a bit 2 weeks ago. I drew 5 leaves and a flower this morning. Neither counts toward the creation of anything because they are, like so much else I do, abandoned and incomplete.
As for music: I learned half a song recently and I wrote a nice-ish one sometime last year. I can still play a guitar, albeit poorly. All might not be lost just yet but to claim that I sometimes make music is a bit of a stretch.
Let’s draft a new version of that intro now. This time, we leave out all non-essence. We adjust for recency. We don’t make vague, sweeping claims, and we don’t abuse the simple present tense. We also try to add in more things that reflect current preoccupations.
Hi! I’m Kitu. I live in Mumbai, India with my partner and the World’s Best Cat. I like to read, write, and run. I hope to run a half marathon someday without shattering my shins. I’m almost always a little sleepy.
Okay, that’s honest. And I do believe that whatever interest is lost by removing all mention of creative pursuit is at least sort of balanced out by the inclusion of cat.
So we have a working format for an honest, no-nonsense intro. It’ll tell people who you are and what you’re preoccupied with — through the lens of Today.
But — when you leave out who you used to be, you end up with an incomplete picture of a person.
You are not a moment in time. You are a journey through time.
In my case, this almost surgical removal of everything I used to make feels like a glaring omission. A phantom limb still wired with pain. So scratch that previous bit about honesty and recency. An intro should not feel so wrong.
Maybe inclination outweighs inaction. We are what we do, but we are also permanently altered by what we fail to do. I’m sorry if that’s a bit non-self-love-y but you’ve got to admit it’s true. I’m at least half-defined by unmet potential and regret.
Draft #3. And this time, we let the Ghost of Kitu Past chime in.
Hi! I’m Kitu. I live in Mumbai, India with my partner and the World’s Best Cat. I like to read, write, and run. I hope to run a half marathon someday without shattering my shins. I seem to have lost some bits of me over the years, but I hope to find them again soon. Perhaps I’ll make some art this year. Perhaps I’ll write some music. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
Alright. That does give you a more overarchingly true picture. But it’s also pretty bleak. Bleak, though, is a byproduct of being alive. The longer you live, the more bleakness you’re bound to accumulate.
So here’s a new plan. Let’s not aim for a complete picture at all. It’s impossible to capture a complete picture of a person in a snappy little intro anyway. And even if you manage it somewhat, you’ll probably just bum people out.
Like Dylan said —
You contain multitudes.
Surely you’re doing yourself a disservice by trying to cram the entire universe of you into a few measly sentences destined to dissipate into the ether. Surely this is an exercise doomed to fail. Perhaps this is why human adults, as a whole, have learned to settle for limp, guarded introductions instead. Tidy templates with just a wee bit of room for modification — pleasantly vanilla and easily palatable, designed to reveal nothing at all.
Let’s ditch this effort entirely. I propose we find other alternatives to the typical introduction. I’m leaning towards asking other questions. Prompts designed to draw out odd specifics, present to you a sliver of a person instead. Like: here’s a random sampling of this human being. Would you care to try more?
Imagine the teacherly person again, looking around the room. This time, instead of asking for introductions, they ask random questions.
Let’s make some up and see how they pan out.
Introductions
Q & A
Q: If you could recommend just one book or movie to everyone in this room, which one would you choose, and why?
Hi! I’m Kitu, and I’d love for you to read The Good Luck of Right Now by Matthew Quick. It’s an odd and lovely book written in the form of letters to Richard Gere. It made me feel deeply appreciative of everything I have.
Nice. You realise I probably like books more than movies. We all get a bunch of recommendations as the question works its way down the room. Each one of us gets to show off a little bit. And we are all forced to think of something meaningful. Overall, I think it’s a lot nicer than telling you that I design apps.
Q: Name 2 things you love and 1 thing you don’t.
Hi! I’m Kitu. I love books and potatoes and I hate brinjals with a vengeance.
Now that’s a fun vignette. It’s short, but specific to me. I also have a decent degree of control over the impact I create with my answer. This particular answer, for instance, is purposefully light and breezy. It is designed to be inoffensive. You’d probably just chuckle and move on along the circle.
But what if I’d said something like —
Hi! I’m Kitu. I love books and potatoes and I hate our Prime Minister.
We’re entering murky territory now. In under 15 words, I’ve chosen to brandish my political leanings and put myself squarely in a certain camp. Which means I’ve likely already offended half the room (although that depends on the room).
I feel like you’re not going to chuckle anymore.
(Please note that I would never actually open with this — I don’t think it’s a good way to start out in a room full of strangers.)
Or —
Hi! I’m Kitu. I love books and potatoes and I don’t like when foods mix in my plate.
I’ve thrown something slightly neurotic into the mix now. You might still chuckle, but I wonder if you’d slot me differently in your head. You might think I sound fussy and subconsciously steer clear. Or you might find that quirk intriguing and make a mental note to pry more later. Either way, it won’t be an entirely neutral response.
Q: What’s the nicest thing that’s happened to you today?
Hi, I’m Kitu. It’s a Wednesday but I’ve had surprisingly little work to get through. I had a long, slow lunch that ended with a tadgola sundae. That’s ice apple served over malai ice cream. I didn’t care about ice apples at all until Naturals added it to their menu. It might just be my favourite dessert now and it’s definitely been the nicest part of my day.
Ice apples and ice cream and coming back here to write to you. So tell me, if you’ve scrolled all this way, what’s the nicest thing that’s happened to you today?
Thank you for commenting :)
In keeping with the spirit of this post and these comments, I thought I'd do a 'nicest thing' for today as well.
I'm waiting for a delayed flight while working on last-minute work stuff at the airport as we speak. It's been a hectic and annoying day so I'm really digging deep for this one. But I think the nicest thing that happened today is that I worked for a while at an airport Starbucks, and they had their nitro cold brews back on the menu! I had a nitro cold brew with salted foam. It was saltier than I remembered it to be, which wasn't a good thing, but still quite nice. And also, it caffeinated me enough to let me finish work so close to bedtime.
:)
It's a Thursday, now, and it's still very early in the morning. I got up around 6:15 because I was done with sleep and couldn't justify staying in bed any longer. I went downstairs and made my way to the bathroom and looked myself in the mirror. And I had a little moment of genuine appreciation for my hair and everyone who has contributed to making it gorgeous.
I would like to thank my father for passing on his excellent hair genes, my barber for doing fuckall, and my girlfriend for helping me look after it every day.